(Reviewed by Slaughterhouserock) - I remember back when I was a kid I'd see all sorts of crazy cover art for horror films.  The more weird it was, the more it made me want to see it.  One thing that I noticed about the cover art is that, along with the title of the films, they usually have abosolutely nothing to do with the film(my favorite misleading cover art is Chopping Mall).  Well, this is such a film.  I had my hopes up to see some deranged person's idea of what it would be like for vampires and zombies to go head to head.  Nowhere in the film is there an actual fight between the two.  So, if that's the only reason you plan on watching this, don't bother.  If you wanna see a cheesy horror film with vampires and zombies on the other hand, this is perfect for you.

The film starts off with a father and daughter, Jenna, on the road.  The daughter has some weird dream to which she wakes up screaming.  Then they run over a zombie and she thinks nothing of it.  Yup, a woman in bed with you is scary, but a dead guy in the road is every day fare.  Well, it is in this film.  Turns out that there's a mysterious virus being spread around that's turning people into zombies(very creative concept).  Now people just go about killing the zombies whenever they see them...at least that's what the three main characters do.

After a bit more driving, they see a lady on the side of the road who asks them to take her daughter, Carmilla, with them.  What does dad say? Sure, not a problem.  Sorry, I think that's just weird, but this whole film is full of shit that I don't understand so I guess it's ok.  Well, Carmilla turns out to be a vampire.  Now we've got zombies and vampires who can be in the sun.  Yeah...

They stop off at a gas station where we meet Bob.  Bob is a woman.  A woman with a dog.  She serves no purpose other than to give Jenna some "amulet".  They call it an amulet, I call it a cheap piece of shit on a string, but I digress.  Oh yeah, and shortly after they leave the gas station, Bob kills herself.  I guess she knew how useless her role was in this film.  She's found by some British hippie who gets bitten by the gas attendent who was earlier bitten by Carmilla.  Oh yeah, did I mention there's lots of this-is-what-you-didn't-see type of flashbacks?  Well there's plenty, along with other strange things that are either dreams, flashbacks, or just pure nonsense.  This is why I stayed confused throughout the film.

Next we meet the "General".  The General is some old guy who enjoys running over zombies and kicking vampire ass.  He does both surprisingly well for an old guy.  In my favorite scene from the film, he gets into a fist fight with a vampire and knocks out one of her fangs.  Why?  Because she broke his cigar.  This scene alone makes the film worth watching.

Now, for all you guys who love gratuitous nudity in their horror films, you're not gonna find much here.  But, you will get two extremely random lesbian sex scenes(with little nudity, but it's good enough so that you know what's going on).  Both scenes involve Carmilla and Jenna.  The first is in the middle of the road where they stopped for no other reason than to make out and fuck.  Carmilla does bite Jenna, but not where I was hoping(damn it!).  The next scene is in an abandoned church turned convent where there just "happens" to be a bed.  We almost get another scene at the end, but, well, shit happens that I'll explain further on.

Now that the first hour of the film has gone on without much in the way of plot, they try and throw it all together in the last twenty minutes...and do a shitty job of it.  Apparently, Carmilla bit the General's daughter who Jenna and her dad staked...and keep in the back of their car...where the General ends up finding her.  Well, needless to say he gets pissed, stakes the dad with the stake that was in his daughter.  This causes his daughter to come back(don't know how, but at this point, who cares?) and she bites the General.  This scene just seems so random I think they improvised the whole thing.

They also tried throwing in some sort of side story or flashback or something.  As you can tell, they didn't do a good job with this either.  These scenes involve Jenna being one of the people who contracted the virus that's been turning people into zombies.  They try curing her, but it doesn't seem to work.  She ends up in a hospital where one of the nurses(Carmilla) ends up running off with her.  I don't know if this means that the rest of the film was a virus induced dream, or if this is a dream, or if the writer was just doped up on crack at the time.  I'll leave you to decide.

And then there's the ending(*SPOILERS*, but that should be obvious).  Depending on what you decided was going on with the film, either a mentally deranged Jenna is with nurse Carmilla at a hotel or a Jenna who has weird fucking dreams is with vampire Carmilla at a hotel(or if you chose the writer on crack option, this makes perfect sense).  Again, either way leads these two to a hotel where they both get eaten by zombies who somehow gained Jason's ability to teleport.  And with that, the weirdness ends leaving me to believe that the zombies are the victors(as I had hoped since I hate vampires).

There's more weird shit throughout the film that I didn't bother to mention(like Carmilla's mother), but feel that this should be enough for you to understand the oddness of this film.  As I said earlier, if you wanna see vampires sucking phamaldehide from zombies or zombies eating vampire brains, you've got the wrong film.  You will get a fucked up movie that has vamires who can be in the sunlight without burning up, zombies who can appear out of fucking nowhere, and a choose your own adventure type of story.  I gave it two outta five.  Worth a watch, but so confusing that it gave me a headache.